Food=Fat=Failure

it's midnight.

i officially have 28 days until i leave for mexico.

in that time i need to write about 3 research papers, put together a GLBTQ dance, and get a job. 

more importantly, i just weighed myself on a different scale, one that is probably more accurate, and i'm 149. granted, its late, but thats totally unacceptable.

so 28 days, 4 weeks. 
the plan is as follows:
250 calories per day.
12 cups of water.
90 minutes of bikram yoga every day but thursdays, when i will walk as much as possible.
minimal tv, as that makes me eat. 1 hour per day.
lj post every day.

i will be 132 pounds by november 17th. i just need to think about it every day, enough to make me love myself and not sabotage myself.

wish me luck!

i hate being fat.
and i hate thinking that i'm fat.
and i hate having all of this hate in my life.
and feeling like i'm about to burst into tears all the time.
i just want this to be over.
i wish i had the willpower that i used to.
i wish i could feel empty, successful, and thin again.
i wish i could look in the mirror and feel satisfied.
i want to sleep for days, and wake up 100 pounds and gorgeous.
why must i be plagued with this?

today:
latte - 130
3 sips of a bubble tea - ?
2 diet cokes
frappe freeze - 110


my mom is letting me skip dinner!
i told her that i had a big lunch, and i'm not hungry, and shes letting me just not eat it!
its a miracle.

46 hours into my fast. now i can extend it until around 6 tomorrow when i have to go to dinner with my dad, best friend, and ex boyfriend. who all know about my eating disorder.
hmmmm....

CW: 140!!!!! what? i haven't lost any weight!

whatever. i should only have to eat wednesday evening and thursday evening. so i'm sure 136 is possible for sunday. i don't have to eat all day friday, saturday, or sunday, i believe.

friends only. comment, and i'll add you! ♥ ♥ ♥